ALL In or ALL OUT

Greetings! Because I realise that I am not a professional blogger and I don't aspire to be one, it takes the pressure off my shoulders to write something perfect and this is a perfect place to dump my feelings, thoughts and conclusions. 

We have been often told how important it is to be fully committed to anything we do in our personal as well as professional life but being somebody who always has a backup plan and a backup plan for a backup plan, it was difficult for me to believe in it. But after thinking and then overthinking, I realised that although this makes sense, it makes sense only for some cases.

My personal life has always been a mess because of all the decisions I have made to give it all to all the relationships and friendships I have been a party to. Trust me, its not worth it. This is not coming from a broken heart but an experienced mind which has weighed the efforts and the results and then concluded. You may give it all you have but you can't buy someone with the efforts you make and temporary if you do, it will ultimately be gone. At that moment you will be clueless on how to recover the lost time, lost feelings and everything that will be invested.

Investment in people is more like investment in crypto where it is impossible to reason out the market crash. It is always important to remember that people will always have reasons to react or act the way they do, the only thing thing you can control is not getting affected by it. Everyone teaches you, "Umeed pe duniya kayam hai", but nobody teaches you, "Umeed toot ti hai". Hope is the source of disappointment and especially when it involves anyone other than you. You can never control other person's feelings and you shouldn't even try to. It is best to invest in more tangible things like your job, studies or the car you want to buy. You can control these things.  Travel for days, Sit under a tree, Binge watch, Binge eat. Basically do everything which you can control all by yourself.

I am not advocating that you should not make efforts for people but if you are making it in the hope of reciprocation, PLEASE STOP. Feelings are the most organic thing on this planet and volatile too. I am not a self obsessed person and I find the idea of self love annoying but last one year has made me too independent to be dependent on anyone for anything. It might be turning toxic but I am ready to face moments of toxicity in place of days of grief. Always remember, one can get hurt only if he hopes and you hope only when you invest. LET LIFE BE. 

Talking about my professional life, I have always been a multitasker (not a successful one necessarily) but have never given it all to anything. Presently, I was juggling between my preparation for Judiciary, LLM and a full time job. I was very happy about all this initially but it was turning me into a jack of all trades but master of none. So, I finally gathered courage to resign from my workplace and decided to focus on my studies but this is a decision against my own belief system and therefore it scares me. But I decided to do it because at the end of it, the results will be in my own hands. If I will work hard, I will get it and vice versa. It does not depend on people. Nobody can hurt the results I make. 

Make this life worth it. You are living it. No one else.

तुम लोगो की, इस दुनिया में हर कदम पे इंसा गलत
मै सही समझ के जो भी कहु तुम कहते हो गलत
मै गलत हु फिर कौन सही फिर कौन सही
मर्जी से जीने की भी मै क्या तुम सबको मै अर्जी दू
मतलब की तुम सबका मुझपे मुझसे भी ज्यादा हक़ है